I met some amazing people and made even greater memories, but when I step back and think about the academic side of those four years, my spirit begins to shake. Though it was something that I always aspired to accomplish—and am grateful that I did—I find myself more disappointed than proud. Of course, that piece of paper sounds cool, but when a person decides to take a different route, all those loans and all-nighters don’t mean shit.
Yes, I am talking about myself and—for once—I’m not ashamed or embarrassed to admit that I genuinely wasted my time over those four years. I can openly say that I don’t care if I utilize my degree in my work life; I don’t jump for joy when I find a position in my field; and fuck politics, even though my B.A. is in Political Science. As I’ve come to discover more about myself and the direction I believe God is telling me to go, the more I regret those four years.
Nah, I’m not saying don’t go to college.
Well…maybe I am.
Well…mostly I’m saying that the discoveries I’m having about myself now, had I had them while in school, I wouldn’t feel like a complete failure; and most people will look at me like I’m crazy for even saying that. Deiona…you went to an amazing school, got an even better education, so what do you get to complain about? How could you categorize yourself as a failure? You’re buggin’.
Yeah, ya girl went to a great school and got out in the required time frame, but four years later and a bitch has no idea what to do next. Correction: I know what I want, but I didn’t need school for it—or at least not this degree. If I still wanted to be a lawyer then I’d feel a little better; but I don’t and I feel like shit.
For a very long time, I didn’t want to admit how I felt or felt as though I didn’t deserve to have that failure feeling because I was a college graduate. I suppressed this shit so much that I not only lacked direction, but my closed heart wasn’t able to welcome anything in. This closed heart was so distraught about being a college-graduate-failure that it couldn’t discover what the open heart realizes now. I was so fixated with this degree that I didn’t realize that, though I had it, it wasn’t supposed to be used how I expected it to be.
And I was shook; but I’ve found solid ground.
No, I’m not about to go into how I miraculously gave in and found a job in politics; don’t worry, my time was still wasted. However, I’ve become not only accepting of that time, but have transformed to viewing it with some value.
Sure, NOW I know what to do, but who’s to say that I would’ve gotten here without that wasted time? Shit, can I even call the time wasted since it most likely aided in this arrival? I do wish I knew then what I know now, but I don’t think what I know now would’ve developed if I didn’t take the time that I did.
I hate to admit it, but I actually made something out of that wasted time—and I’m not going to waste any more of it.
College still some shit, though.
Submitted by heycoffeebreak.com